Ascending From Madness Read online

  Wrenching against the constraints, my muscles were growing weaker, not able to fight as before.

  “I told you, Alice, you will never leave here.” She leaned over me. “Did you know the lobotomy procedure can have severe negative effects on a patient’s personality and ability to function independently? You will be merely a drooling decoration in the corner, a thing your parents only visit on holidays. I could kill you after I close the door on Winterland for good, but that feels far too simple. Who knows, I might need you later for some reason. At least this way you will no longer be a thorn in my side.”

  Her lips were moving, but my mind couldn’t really grasp on to anything beyond the superficial meaning of each word. Whatever she gave me governing my functions, I still could hear the panicked screams in my gut.

  The drug progressed through me, centering on my brain. A tingling pressure tapped over my head, as if fingers were in there, peeling back layers of my brain, trying to get deeper. It wasn’t painful in the true sense, but it felt raw and exposed. I cried out, whipping my head back and forth, trying to dislodge the sensation. As if I could buck off the fingers digging into my head, I bowed forward with a wail.

  “Don’t fight it, Alice. The veil is coming down.”

  Flashes. Glimmers of images popped across my brain, coming in so fast and frenzied, like a montage but not a whole picture. Sitting at a table across from a large rabbit wearing an apron, I could see us laughing. A toddling penguin dancing and singing with such joy and innocence, it soothed my frantic heart. A little girl-elf swung our laced hands back and forth as we walked. A boy-elf running around a table, giggling wildly. A half man-half deer lay in a bed, his hands wrapped around mine, his brown eyes staring at me like the whole world revolved around me.

  And then he flashed through, his body pressing into mine against a wall, his fingers sliding down my stomach.

  Scrooge.

  “No, Alice. You can’t.” A sweet little voice in the room dropped into my ear, curling my head up, just enough to peer over.

  Hiding behind Dr. Cane, standing near the leg of the tray, was the little elf girl, her eyes wide, her head shaking. “Don’t let them in,” she pleaded with me. “Don’t let her find him. Find us.”

  “Ms. Alice?” another voice to my other side whispered, jerking my eyes over. The penguin stood behind Jessica, the same beseeching expression on his face. “Please. You can’t let her in.”

  “Hide your memories,” the boy elf spoke, standing next to this twin. “If she finds us… all hope is lost.”

  “You let her in…” a voice hopped in next to the penguin. The rabbit folded his arms over his frilly apron. “And you’ll never get to taste my mead, which in itself is a fucking tragedy.”

  A soft snort and smile wiggled my lips, and my heart bloomed. My eyes dropped down to his feet… one was missing. Her necklace.

  “Alice,” a deeper voice called from straight in front of me, my gaze darting to the deer-man through my lashes. His beauty and ripped torso had me blinking several times. “I knew it. You. Are. Her.”

  Rudolph. I suddenly knew he was the famous reindeer I grew up with, but more… I knew him.

  “What do you mean?” I asked him. Jessica had called me that too.

  Jessica and Humpty twisted around, searching the room to see who I was talking to before looking back at me.

  “It’s working.” She smiled smugly.

  “You are the one with the power to defeat the queen,” Rudolph responded. “The story of her has been a long almost forgotten tale, but I think it is true. There is a reason you were able to follow me, that you came to Winterland. You are the one who can fight the queen. Help save Winterland. But stories can always change, shift directions… you need to live. Don’t let her strip away what makes you special. We need you, Alice. Fight for yourself. Fight for us.” His words were unemotional, but powerful. “And Alice? You have the power. Don’t forget who you are. Fight.” He stared right into my eyes, and the sensation he had said this to me before whooshed through me. “Wish.”

  Wish. I blinked, the understanding right on the tip of my memory, the slight taste of it hinting on my tongue, teasing me.

  “Stay with me?” I implored, needing all of them, even if they weren’t actually there, because I knew they were my friends. People I loved. Not feeling alone eased my heart. They gave me strength.

  “We’re always with you,” he answered impassively, but I felt the love in what he said. The belief and trust in me from him and the others in the room.

  I dipped my head in a thank you, glancing at all of them. The instinct, the fierce need to protect them, had me slamming against the drug trying to rip through my head, crashing against barriers.

  “So, Alice?” Jessica clutched my chin, yanking it up to look at her. “Tell me where Nick is. Where are your little friends hiding?”

  Images of a huge hooked mountain top, a cabin set against a snowy backdrop. The cozy interior filled with scrumptious smells of vanilla, cinnamon, and a burning fire. A loft filled with books, and a rustic bathroom… with no mirrors.

  I recognized it better than my own house.

  Mount Crumpit. The name dropped on me like it had been waiting for me to pluck it out of obscurity. Most of my brain felt the urge to answer her question, my tongue ready to waggle, like it was being pulled between my teeth.

  Forced.

  Fudge balls. Did she give me a truth serum? Clenching down on my molars, I tried to strike against the drug attempting to steal my memories, spill them out on the floor.

  “Can I tell you something?” My mouth spoke. Fight. Alice.

  “Yes. Tell me every little detail.”

  I tipped my head in her palm. Huffing, my nose flared, my lids lowering in a glower.

  “Go. Fuck. Yourself.”

  Chapter 18

  The slap came swift, my head jerking to the side, but I didn’t feel the sting, the drug numbing my skin. My lips curved in a taunting smile.

  “You can’t fight me. Do you even know who you are challenging right now? Bow down, Alice. I will crush you.” Jessica leaned into my face, her eyes bursting with fury. “Now, tell me where Nick is.”

  Nick. Again, my mind went to the naked, white-bearded man, his snarling expression and sour attitude streaming into my head. Crunching down on my jaw like a steel trap was the only way to keep the drug from turning me into a gumball dispenser. Crank the knob, and I would pour out endless tidbits into her hands.

  Most of the morsels melting on my tongue didn’t make any sense to me, but they pushed forward with a righteous claim without caring what I thought. They believed in themselves, not needing me to, though deep down I did.

  I fought against the need to tell her everything, my little friends still surrounding me, encouraging me to stay quiet. Their heads nodded, urging me to be stronger than her. To protect them at all costs.

  “What did you give her, you idiot?” Jessica snapped up to Dr. Cane. “Sugar water? Why isn’t she talking? This is your fault!”

  “No, Y-Your Highness. It-it should have worked. I gave her a full dose of the serum. More, actually.” Cane fumbled nervously, staring at the empty syringe like it would tell him something.

  “Well, obviously, you did something wrong,” Jessica seethed. “This is what I get for leaving it up to a man. You know what happens to people who disappoint me?” She swiped another off the tray.

  “Maybe she has a higher tolerance than others, Majesty,” he squeaked, his face flushing pure white. “I-I can give her more.”

  “Do. It.” All niceties she showed him before were gone, her pretty face streaked with ugliness, my sluggish mind exaggerating her twisted features.

  Dr. Cane bobbed his head, filling the needle with more fluid. My eyes slid to the clear liquid. I was barely holding on now. If I had more, would I be able to fight it? No matter how much I wanted to struggle, I was still human.

  “Stop her, Alice,” Rudolph spoke to me, his voice so steady. I c
lung to it like a rope. “You have the power within yourself if you ask for it.”

  “I ask for it,” I blurted out, staring at the beautiful deer-man.

  He chuckled dryly, his antlers wobbling. “I’m not the one you need to ask.”

  Help, I thought, having no real idea who I was talking to. Me or some fairy godmother. Please help me. I need to fight.

  Nothing happened.

  “You ask for what?” Jessica once again peered behind her to see what I was staring at, coming back into my line of sight. “You’re talking to them right now, aren’t you? Your little rebel buddies? You know they aren’t real, Alice. You are here all alone. And no one will save you this time.”

  I shot her a glare, not trusting my mouth to open again. It kept trying, like its opinions needed to be heard. The information filled the back of my throat, ready to flood out.

  “You heard her.” She motioned to me. “She’s asked for it. And I think we should oblige.”

  Cane bobbled over to my side, the tip of the needle pointed at my arm.

  “I’ll do it.” Jessica reached for the syringe, the light glimmering off the plunger. My mind sluggishly took in something scrolled across in sparkly ink. It wasn’t the measuring lines you saw on plungers, but something written out in cursive. The understanding of what it said was on the slow train up to my brain. “Grab your instruments. I think it’s time Alice saw what happens when you disobey the queen.”

  Queen. Damn, she was full of herself, but peering at her, the title fit her perfectly.

  “Blood-red queen,” I muttered, the light sparking the words on the needle, distracting me again, my attention like a startled butterfly, not able to stay on one thing for long. Narrowing my lids, I tried to lock down on it.

  “She’s remembering.” Cane gushed, his head trying to bob, but he was so chubby, it didn’t really move.

  “Let’s help that along,” Jessica replied, making Cane’s smile widen with excited joy. He snatched up the pick and hammer, prancing on his toes as if he were a child on Christmas morning.

  “Oh boy, oh boy. I’ve been wanting to use these again. It’s been so long. Decades!”

  “Tell us, Alice. Last chance,” she threatened, the needle poised at my vein. The cursive glittered under the light, looking like it was moving, my eyes tracing over the words.

  “Inject Me.” I read it out loud, thinking it was a peculiar thing to have written on a needle. Seemed kind of redundant.

  And very familiar.

  Curious and curiouser.

  Suddenly recollections of me in a gingerbread house, under a table, my head on a block, out in the forest surrounded by green monsters. Gremlins. What I saw had been real? A rush of drink me, eat me, and use me notes attached to cookies, drinks, and vials paraded through my mind.

  All had protected me. Saved my life.

  Jessica gave me a strange look, thinking I was begging her to inject me, not reading the penmanship.

  “Don’t say I never gave you what you asked for.” She stabbed the needle into my arm, the hot rush flooding my veins, my gaze greedily drinking it up. Please, help me now! I begged but still felt nothing except the heaviness of Jessica’s previous drug. What if it couldn’t counter that?

  “Now, let’s see how fast her tongue will loosen when you jab that into her brain.” She smirked down at me. “With or without you, I’m finding and ending him. The door will be shut and then I will place you in the corner here, where you will live out your days as my drooling ornament. Please proceed, Cane.”

  Cane grinned, leaning my chair back farther, hovering around my eyes. The hope I had briefly fizzled when his fat sausage fingers reached for my lid, angling for the corner of my eye where my tear ducts were. The sharp point of the pick pressed into the tiny gap between my eye and nose.

  Sheer terror fluttered in my stomach, gurgling up my throat, but fell back and only a tiny whimper scoured the back of my throat. My body locked down in fright as if it were trying to protect itself. My heart hammered so loud I could feel it in my esophagus, trying to climb out and save itself.

  “Nooooo!” A muffled sob parted my lips, the metal pressing farther into the corner, sliding against the cartilage of my nose. Pain registered somewhere in my body, producing bile to scorch my stomach and throat. Liquid trickled down my nostril and over my lips, the taste of metal tangy and hot on my tongue.

  My blood.

  The sound of metal chinking together as he tapped the hammer at the end of the ice pick, hammering it farther up into my skull.

  Clink. Clink. Clink.

  Saliva, tears, and snot leaked from my face; vomit hummed in the back of my throat. The idea that this was happening to me was outrageous. This didn’t happen in today’s world—or so I thought. Soon I would no longer be the person I was before. A stab into my frontal lobe and I would be someone my family would no longer recognize, talking slowly and softly to me when they came to visit. In time the visits would dwindle because seeing me would cause them too much pain and guilt.

  Dr. Cane groaned as the pick slid up higher, like he was having an orgasm, getting off from the blood sliding down my face and the pick gliding to my brain.

  Acid rose up my throat, and my heels dug into the chair, trying to back away as the rod dug into my tissue. Ferocious panic sliced at my lungs, spilling tears from my eyes, dropping pink-colored splotches on my blue scrubs. Then I felt the point collide into my lobe.

  A scream bucked out of me at the onslaught of excruciating pain. Burning. Tearing. Slicing. Wails boomed in the room, echoing off the walls, the numbing drugs flushing out of my system with a whoosh. I felt every bit of the spiky tool.

  Saliva and bile dribbled out of my mouth as the rest of me froze under the attack, darkness spotting my vision.

  “Make sure you do it right,” Jessica spoke over the horrendous noise in the room, her eyes wide and awed. “I don’t want her more than a drooling prisoner in her own skin, unable to ever tell anyone anything.”

  “I will, my Queen. You know I want to please you.”

  “Yes. Yes.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s why you’re able to keep your post as long as you have.”

  He twisted the rod in my brain, like a hot poker shredding straight through all my nerves at once, everything cut off. I heard guttural screams pierce the air, then they died with a horrendous gasp. No longer did I feel a part of my body. In its last attempt to shield me, my brain tucked me behind a barrier, protecting me from the unmanageable pain. Darkness took my vision, but my ears still comprehended sound.

  “Think that should do it. Her brain was more difficult to dig into like others I’ve done.” Cane’s voice danced at the edge of my ears, along with the gushing sound of metal tugging out of tissue, liquid, and flesh. “Really gave it a good twist. Be lucky if she can function at all now.” Metal clanged together on the tray.

  “I don’t really need her since she opened the door. But in case Nick tries to close it again, I still might need her.” She sounded irritated. “When I finish my plan and shut it for good, I’ll see how important keeping her around is. If she’s so brain-dead, there’s no point.”

  “You don’t need her to answer your questions? Where Santa Clau—”

  “DO. NOT. EVER. SAY. THAT. NAME,” Jessica boomed.

  “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Majesty. It won’t ever happen again.” Cane sniveled and pleaded with her. “Forgive me, my Queen.”

  “If I didn’t enjoy your work so much, your head would be next. You understand me?”

  “Yes,” he groveled. “So, so sorry.”

  “Shut up,” she snapped. “And no, I don’t need her. Not when I got two for one tonight. My faux husband can lead me to him. I know he knows where he is too. I’ve been lacing his coffee with the syrup, hoping to learn anything from him, but he’s as stubborn as she is. So glad I no longer have to humor him with false smiles and concern for that phony, pathetic excuse for a child. The boy was similar to his mother in disposition. We
ak and timid.”

  Darkness pleated its fingers in my mind, beckoning me to follow, everything sounding far away.

  “We’ll leave her here until she wakes. Not like she can or will be capable of going anywhere. Dear Scrooge is next. He’ll talk if he thinks her life depends on it.” She cackled, sounding like a hyena. “And if he obeys, his prize is a drooling dimwit. Win-win for me.”

  Shoes clicked over the tile, the door opening and closing. Scrooge… I tried to reach out for the name, but it slipped from my hand, and I fell into the darkness.

  “Stay strong, Alice,” a little voice of a girl called to me. “You can fight. You are filled with so much muchness...”

  I dissolved into nothingness.

  Chapter 19

  My eyes opened to a dimly lit cave, my form barely covered in a torn dress shirt. Curved in a ball, I lay on the hard ground, bloody, wounded, and exhausted. I knew this place, had been here before. My gaze lifted to the figure sitting at the entrance, the moonlight shining down on his profile and sharpening his features. His blue irises glistening, ripping the air from my lungs. He was so breathtaking; he felt more otherworldly than this place did.

  Scrooge. His name came to me so easily. The memory of this night draped in my head, a drunken haze of sensations, but I remembered it. We had just survived being attacked by gremlins. And I knew figures were sleeping behind me. My friends.

  Tilting his head, Scrooge listened for something. Tension strained his back muscles, and I shot up with a start. “What is it?”

  He snapped to me, his finger going to his lips, and turned back out. Whatever was coming, had fear pounding in my chest as I moved to him. I waited in anticipation, as if a jack-in-the-box was about to pop up.

  A stunning white fox darted by and halted for a moment to peer at us before slinking over some rocks, vanishing into the darkness.