Beauty In Her Madness (Winterland Tale Book 3) Read online

  Fury flamed in his eyes. In a blink, he grabbed my arms, slamming me back into the wall, zipping adrenaline through my veins.

  “I told you—don’t ever say that name again.”

  “Why, Jack?”

  A roar boomed from his throat, his fist hitting the wall near my head. “Shut up! For once, just do what you’re told.”

  If I was scared, it only made me feel more alive, anger flicking sparks off us. “I’m not a child. I don’t do what I’m told anymore,” I snarled back, feeling every fiber of his jeans brushing my bare legs. “Especially by you!”

  His fury snapped into an eerie calmness. “Lie.” His chest brushed against my breasts, hardening my nipples. “You were wild and fierce as a child, but the grown-up Dinah does whatever she’s told, doesn’t she? She’s a good, obedient girl.” He leaned on his forearms, bringing his mouth so close I could almost feel it. Breathing heavily, I stayed pinned to the wall, my gaze dropping to his lips. “Especially by me.”

  I wanted him to do it. Cross the line. Kiss me until I couldn’t breathe.

  “Do it. Stop waiting for someone else to act.” His eyes went to my mouth, like he was reading my thoughts. “Deep down, you want to do it. But you are scared. Too boxed in.” The vibration of his words forced me to bite my bottom lip. “Can’t do it, can you?” he said low, shaking his head. “You think growing up means losing your imagination, your passion. You haven’t grown up, Dinah; you’ve become terribly dull. Quite ordinary.”

  The insult sliced through my gut, my nose flaring. “Fuck you!” I spat at him.

  “Are you asking?” He lifted an eyebrow. “Because you need nothing more than to be fucked so thoroughly you lose the stick up your ass. But if you want it, ask. You’re a big girl now, right?”

  A cry raged from my throat as I shoved him, barely moving him an inch. “Get away from me! I hate you!”

  “Ditto,” he snarled. “And just so you know, this isn’t a fuckin’ fairy tale. It’s a nightmare.”

  “Frost?” A voice boomed down the hallway. It felt like someone broke through the thick walls and let the sunshine in. “Dor said you were down here.” A figure came around the corner.

  “Blaze!” I pushed away from Frost, running for his warmth and happiness. Safe. I was safe.

  “Dinah?” He lifted me in his arms, hugging me tightly. “What are you doing here? Are you all right?”

  “Long story, and I’m fine.” I squeezed him before he set me back on my feet. I was so happy to see him. “But I need to go home. Can you help me get back home?”

  “Of course.” Blaze darted a glower over my shoulder to his brother, then his look came fully back to me, his hand rubbing my arm. “Though I’d love to spend some time with you. Come hang out at the beach with me? We’ll get to know each other again.”

  “I really should get home, sorry.” I actually wanted to spend more time with Blaze. My childhood best friend. He was the good one. The one to trust. He always had been. I needed to stay far away from Frost. I could feel him behind me, his presence and scrutiny cracking me open like a chestnut.

  “What the fuck are you doing here, Blaze?” Frost’s voice dropped icicles on me.

  “Believe me, I don’t want to be here anymore than you do,” Blaze hotly countered, his jaw twitching.

  “Doubtful,” Frost muttered, an eyebrow tipping up. “Funny, you haven’t come here in twelve years, but suddenly you show up, brother?”

  “I could say the same thing when you came to the beach the other day, brother,” Blaze retorted, their mutual hatred growing like weeds.

  Frost shifted on his feet. “Back to why the fuck you are here? Come to save poor helpless Dinah?” Frost sneered at me.

  I glared back. “Fuck you. I’m not helpless.”

  “Is this your way of asking nicely?”

  A grunt burned my throat, my body lurching for the asshole. Blaze grabbed me, drawing me back into his physique.

  “Don’t let him get to you. He thrives off it,” Blaze whispered in my ear, his hands wrapping around me. “Don’t give him the satisfaction.” Lips brushed my temple.

  A snarl ascended from Frost as his lids narrowed on us, his shoulders rolling back like he wanted to attack.

  “How did you get here, Dinah?”

  “The-the mirror,” I responded, cringing at the absurd truth.

  “Mirror?” Blaze swiveled me around, his eyes wide. “Not one of the doors?”

  “No.”

  Blaze narrowed his lids at his brother, his lip rising in accusation. “You didn’t get rid of it, did you? You told me you destroyed it.” He huffed at his statement, his head shaking, his hand gripping my waist. “Still holding on no matter what you boast about, brother? It’s sad, because you can’t hold something that was never yours. You need to give up.”

  Frost’s eyes dropped to where Blaze’s hand gripped me.

  “Where is it?” Blaze let his thumb run along the skin of my hipbone where my thin tank top hitched up. “Don’t test me, Frost.”

  “And I wouldn’t test me, brother.” Frost’s rolled his hands into fists.

  They stared at each other, a standoff, whispers of secrets and blackmail dragging back and forth between them.

  “It’s in the tower. Am I right?” Blaze pulled me into him. “I’m returning Dinah safely home; get her far from you.”

  “Maybe it’s you she needs to stay away from.”

  “You keep telling yourself that.” Blaze pointed me down the hallway, leaning into my ear, his voice a notch above average. “You sure you don’t want to come to the beach like old times? It’s beautiful today, and Quin is behind the bar. Rub you down with suntan lotion?” Blaze’s hands slipped up my sides.

  It was actually really tempting, but every minute I was gone, Scott was probably freaking out, if he hadn’t already called everyone to search for me.

  We headed around the corner, my eyes snapping back to where Frost stood.

  His eyes were locked on me, his expression stone, but I could feel the rage, the anger that his plan for me was foiled.

  As soon as he was out of view, I felt something in my gut tug, but I didn’t know if it was disappointment or relief.

  Relief. It had to be relief.

  Once I was back home, I was going to smash that mirror and never return. Shut the lid tight and never open it again.

  Blaze navigated us upstairs to the tower in just minutes. The walls stayed put as if I hallucinated the whole moving walls thing earlier. Who knew with me? I might have. Reality and my visions were melding into one, both feeling the same.

  When we reached the tower, Blaze walked up to the mirror. “I can’t believe he kept it. What a deceitful liar.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He told me he destroyed it.” Blaze touched the gold frame. “Except he didn’t. He hid it in his tower…hoping.”

  “Hoping?”

  Blaze smirked, turning to me. “Everything changed the day you left here.”

  “What changed?”

  “You don’t remember?”

  “No. I can barely recall bits and pieces of being here at all. The rest is dark.”

  “Some things are better left in the dark.” Blaze turned to me, his blue-green eyes intent on mine. “You shouldn’t come here anymore, Dinah. To this castle. It isn’t safe… He isn’t safe.”

  “Why? What do you mean?” His words set off an alarm in my head, though I had already felt the darkness in this place oozing from the walls and him.

  “Let’s say he isn’t who he says he is.” His eyes darted around as if Frost would jump out at any moment. “Our mother is gone because of him.”

  “Gone? Like in dead?” I whispered, a chill running down my spine. “Did he kill her?”

  Blaze didn’t reply, his attention flicking back to the framed glass.

  “Your mirror at home. Where did you get it?”

  “Oh. Uh.” My forehead wrinkled in confusion at his sudden switch in topics
. “A secondhand store. The woman sold it to me for almost nothing.”

  He wagged his head. “It found you again, or you found it.”

  “Found what?”

  “The mirror.” Blaze stepped closer to me. “It’s the same one you used as a child. It’s linked to this one.”

  “No way it could be the same one.” But I recalled my mom saying how much it reminded her of the one I used to have.

  Because it was.

  I had felt a draw to it, like it was calling for me. I couldn’t leave the store without it. Had I unconsciously known it was mine? That it had belonged to me, and it would bring me back here?

  “There are other ways here…to me.” Blaze stepped up, his hands sliding up my cheeks. “Break it when you get back. End the link to this horrible place. Don’t let him be able to reach you.”

  I blinked up at him, his open features making me feel so calm and safe.

  “Promise me.”

  I found myself nodding.

  He tipped his head into mine. “I will reach out for you soon.” His mouth came down on mine softly. Warm, soothing, like listening to waves lap at the edge of the sand.

  Then I felt myself spinning.

  Falling. Flying.

  Up. Down.

  Sense. Nonsense.

  Where nothing mattered and everything did.

  Chapter 15

  Hazy sunlight streamed through my lids, and I cracked them open in a blurry haze. For a brief moment, I took in my bedroom, the familiar items feeling oddly foreign. It seemed this room wasn’t real or wasn’t where I belonged.

  Memories started to flutter back in.

  Castle.

  Dungeon.

  Frost.

  Chip.

  Blaze.

  Mirror.

  A jolt shot my body up like I had been electrocuted, my lungs sucking in as my gaze confirmed I was safe in my bed at home.

  A dream, Dinah. None of it happened. Again, just an incredibly vivid dream.

  My heart pounded, my mind and body feeling off kilter. Peering over to my side, I found the bed empty.

  “Scott?” I croaked, listening for any sound or movement. Turning to the nightstand, my mind took in the number on the clock. “Holy shit!” I leaped out of bed. Was it really ten thirty? I had already missed my first class. Why didn’t Scott wake me up? He always did if I happened to sleep past him. Was he still mad at me? Was our little tiff only last night? Why did it feel as if it happened so long ago, like I had lived lifetimes since then?

  Darting to the living room to grab my phone, which I had forgotten to plug in, from my bag, I checked to see if there were any messages from him, but the only single message was from my mom.

  Hey sweetie, don’t forget to get next Sunday off.

  I rubbed my pounding head. My muscles were restless; nothing felt right. My eyes caught on a piece of paper on the table. Grabbing it, I noticed Scott’s handwriting.

  Hey babe. Woke up and you were gone. Must be out running. Work late tonight. Don’t wait up.

  Love you, S

  My hands gripped the table, my body swaying, oxygen stumbling to get in and out.

  Woke up and you were gone.

  The sentence battered and whirled in my head, feeling like a tornado. My equilibrium tipped and swayed. I wasn’t here when he woke up.

  Because you were in Winterland, Dinah. Locked up in a cell by a madman, a voice yelled into my brain, making my legs sag, a guttural noise rolling in my chest. Everything I built my foundation on was crumbling. I was drowning in the sea of uncertainty, sinking below what people would consider sane. And not because it wasn’t real, but because I knew it was.

  Winterland was real to me, which still didn’t make it an actual place.

  My boxes weren’t just falling down, they were exploding in my face and hitting every fear burrowed in my gut, tearing at the fabric of what made me, me.

  “No.” I shook my head, panic shaking my hands as I reached inside my bag, pulling out the pills. “No. No. No. I won’t let this happen.” I was the kind who rolled my eyes and frowned at people who spouted about the possibility of other realms and worlds. I didn’t even believe in aliens or ghosts.

  Downing double the dosage, I gulped back the water, feeling the pills slide down my throat, my nerves plucking like guitar strings. I was antsy—scared. I marched to the bedroom, determined to keep myself on stable ground. I stood in front of the mirror.

  “Break it when you get back. End the link to this place. Don’t let him be able to reach you.” I shivered at the memory of Blaze’s voice, the intensity when he looked at me.

  Destroy it, Dinah. End the link. Cut off the door to that world—to him.

  My mind instantly went to the man who clawed at my seams, who pushed into my psyche and shredded it. The one who locked me up in a dungeon, who threatened and scared me, who…

  Images of his face were brought to mind, the feel of him molded to the back of me, his power and strength. I could almost feel the sensation of his fingers sliding through me, taking, dominating. The severe need laced with hate filled me with raw desperation—strung between everything and nothing.

  “No. Stop,” I growled to myself. He was the bad prince every fairy tale warned you about. The one who was treacherous and wicked, the one to stay far away from.

  Climbing up on the dresser, I grabbed the frame. It took both Scott and me to get it up; the weight had both of us struggling. But frantic desperation throbbed in my muscles. Sweat lined my brow as I wrestled with it, my teeth gritting together. I yanked and pulled at the frame, but as if it had rooted itself into the wall, the mirror didn’t budge.

  “What the fuck?” I wailed, tugging on it harder, feeling more desperate and scared. “Come off!” Thrashing, yanking, and wiggling until I was sweaty and exhausted, I didn’t manage to so much as budge the glass. “I will take a bat to you. I swear!” I tried with all my might to move it before my arms gave out. My forehead falling onto the frame, I took a deep gulp of air.

  “Dinah…”

  I froze. My name was so soft and distant I hoped I had made it up. Swallowing, I could hear cars outside, people moving around the apartment building, the old pipes turning off and on.

  It was probably a bird or the wind.

  “Dinah…”

  “No!” I screamed, jumping down, moving back from the mirror. “Stop! Leave me alone!” I ripped the comforter off the bed and tossed it over the frame, tucking it around it. “If I have to tear down this wall, I will get you down.”

  Shaken, I quickly got dressed, needing to get away from the apartment. The pills rattled in my bag as I speed-walked down the street to a local coffee shop, a dusting of snow crunching under my boots. The warm air in the café burned my face, making my nose run as I entered. The low buzz of people talking surrounded me, but instead of comforting me, I felt more like an outsider. A mommies’ group with infants in one corner, students, people working on computers, a group of older men catching up with a late-morning coffee—all of their lives seemed normal. Perfectly placed in the realm of sanity, talking of everyday problems.

  I wanted to be one of them.

  “Miss? Were you going to order?” A girl in her early twenties behind the register snapped my attention to her. Rubbing at my head, my mind felt a little slow, while energy hummed up my spine. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken a double dose.

  “Did you say you wanted a double?” The girl squinted at me, tilting her head.

  Shit, did I say that out loud?

  “Uh, yeah.” Her brow furrowed.

  Though I probably didn’t need caffeine at all, the ritual of placing my order felt like the one piece of normality right then.

  “You want to try our peppermint-and-white chocolate latte? We recently got more in.”

  “No.” I shook my head violently. Our family had been peppermint lovers for as long as I could remember, until the last couple of years. I don’t know why, but now none of us could taste it without
cringing. Alice was the worst. She wouldn’t eat anything with peppermint in it. “A crème brûlée latte, please.”

  She nodded, writing my order on my cup. After paying, I went and sat down, my knee bobbing as I waited.

  “Dinah, calm down,” I muttered to myself. “Look around. Everything is normal. You’re fine.” I tried to take deep breaths and let the mundane environment of the café soothe my nerves.

  “Dinah?” A woman’s voice jolted me; my knee hit the table, almost knocking it over. “Oh, I’m sorry I scared you.”

  I stared up at my therapist, her hands filled with two takeaway cups. She peered down at me.

  “Dr. Bell?” A strange need to run licked at the back of my legs. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

  “Oh, I don’t live far. I come here all the time.”

  “Oh,” I responded, staring at her. I had never seen her in here, but it wasn’t like I came every day.

  “Can I sit down?” She motioned to the empty chair across from me.

  “Oh—um—of course.” My mouth and brain didn’t seem to be connecting on an intimate level today. “I need to go grab my coffee.”

  “Don’t worry, I saw it and got it for you.” A smile grew on her lips. She sat down, pushing the coffee to me. “Saved you the trip.”

  “Thanks.” I took the cup from her, steam billowing out of the open part of the lid.

  “I saw you and wanted to check in. See how you were doing. You left my office so abruptly yesterday.”

  Yesterday? I was there just yesterday?

  My nails tapped on my cup, my eyes not meeting hers. “Sorry about that.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” She leaned on her arms on the table, her hand patting mine. My teeth dug into my lip, fighting the urge to pull back. “I’m here to help you. To clear the path for you. To help guide you into finding your true purpose.”

  “Sounds very cult-y.”

  Her laugh rang out. “No, nothing like that.” She patted my hand again. “I know there is great potential in you, Dinah. Sometimes we just need help getting out of our own way.” She pulled away, picking up her cup, taking a drink.

  I stared back down at my drink, my mind feeling slow, making everything feel as if glass stood between me and the world.