Darkness Of Light (Darkness #1) Read online

  “That was some branch. Did it have a vendetta against your t-shirt?”

  “Guess so.”

  “I hope you showed it who is boss.”

  “Yeah, I peed on it.”

  I rubbed my head. Of course there was an image that attached itself to that statement, and it wasn’t a totally bad one.

  “Think we can call it a day,” Eli said, looking at his phone. “Come on.” He motioned for me to follow.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Somewhere else.” He headed up a trail.

  ***

  “Wow,” I said quietly, taking in the amazing view. The setting sun cast a glow on the cascading waterfall as it sparkled in the distance. Crystal blue water tumbled down the rocky surface, filling my ears with the soothing sound of rushing water as it connected with the flowing creek below. I sat down on the edge of the footbridge, my feet dangling over. Eli sat down next to me. I pulled out my water thermos and took a drink. I automatically handed it over to him, as if this was the most natural thing in the world to do. He took a swig and handed it back to me as we silently watched the gushing water plummet to the ground below. It wasn’t until I took another sip that I thought about this little exchange between us. It felt extremely intimate and so natural, like it was an old habit of ours.

  “This reminds me of a place my mom used to take me to when I was young,” I reflected.

  He cleared his throat. “Your tone changes when you talk about your mom. You sometimes talk about her in the past tense. . .”

  He left it hanging. My chest clenched. Most people, besides my two good friends, never picked up on my use of the past tense. The fact he noticed and saw through me so easily made panic churn my stomach. Feeling exposed, I looked down at my legs, watching them swing back and forth.

  I had never told anyone the whole story before, besides the therapists Mark had sent me to. They didn’t count since I had to talk to them. Even with them, I had left stuff out. It wasn’t something I wanted to talk about or wanted people to know. But, there was something about Eli that made me feel he’d understand. Tragedy was interlinked with his life as well.

  My chest constricted with heartache as I sucked in a staggering breath. “My mom was murdered six years ago. Exactly six years, one month and eighteen days ago.” A pained look flickered over my face. Saying it out loud made me realize how morbid it sounded—the fact I knew the exact number of days since her death.

  “I was the one who found her.” I took a breath. It was a constant nightmare that clung to my soul and sucked it dry.

  My heart twisted as I recalled the excitement I had felt, knowing she’d finally returned home from her research trip. “She had been gone for several weeks, the longest she had ever been away. I ran into the house calling for her, but there was no answer. I think deep down I knew something was wrong. I could feel it on my skin. I went through the whole house calling for her. Then I heard our dog whining from the backyard.” I recalled Ray’s high-pitched howl, how my stomach had dropped, twisting in trepidation.

  “He never whined or barked unless he sensed something threatening, especially anything threatening my mother. That dog would have followed her to the ends of the Earth if he could. He had been abused so badly they didn’t think he would live, but my mother was not a woman who gave up on anything, especially animals. She stayed by his side day and night, feeding and nursing him back to health. She saved his life, but sadly, she could not save his eyesight. It had been too late for that, although it never seemed to slow him down. The love and dedication for each other was unreal. The fact he was a blind, black Labrador named Ray Charles only solidified my mom’s sick sense of humor, something I definitely got from her.

  “From upstairs, I could hear Ray’s claws scraping hysterically across the glass door downstairs. I went downstairs to let him in . . .” My voice cracked as emotion flooded my memories. “There was blood everywhere.” Images of bloody handprints and paw prints smeared and dripping across the sliding glass door flashed in my mind’s eye. “It looked like dark, raspberry syrup had been spread across the glass. Ray threw himself at the door, trying to reach me, his paws splashing in puddles of blood, streaking more of the red liquid over the window.

  “I don’t remember moving forward or opening up the door, but I found myself on the patio. Th-there was this mass of something on the ground. The body was ripped apart . . . but I knew it was her.” Bile instantly rose up in my throat as if it was reliving the moment again. Terror and grief still tore through me, shredding my heart as it ripped and clawed its way out. “I could pick out long, dark strands of hair tangled around the bloody mass. It was my mother’s.”

  I breathed out deeply.

  “I remember hearing a scream pierce the air, sounding so agonized, so guttural and pained. It took me a while to realize it came from me.” The vivid memories replayed in my mind like a movie. “Whoever had done it really wanted to make a point. She had been torn into pieces, like she had been attacked by a bear or some wild animal. She was unrecognizable.”

  Eli stayed quiet for several minutes, as we watched the waterfall. “Your tattoo represents your mom,” he said, more to himself than to me. His voice brought me back to the present.

  I nodded. “I sketched these symbols from a dream I had one night after her death.” Every time a therapist had forced me to recall that day, I became hollow. Empty. Dead. Eli’s presence stirred raw emotions back into the wound, forcing me to choke back tears. “I got the tattoo so I could always have her with me. My mom, Lily was her name, was this free spirit, an independent, open-minded, sassy woman, with this deep love of the environment, especially animals. Her passion covered all animals, but her true love was foxes, especially the red fox. She had this unexplainable connection to them. She spent a lot of time with this specific skulk of foxes up in Canada doing research for a book.”

  I stopped when I realized I was rambling. When I looked up at Eli, he had a strange look on his face. “See, this is why I don’t talk about it. It makes others feel awful and uncomfortable. What do you say to someone like me?”

  Eli avoided my gaze, his face blank of emotion. But I could see past the wall. “You know exactly how it feels, don’t you?” I studied him. When he told me before that Lorcan was the only blood family he had left, I figured that meant he no longer had his parents. But now I realized he, too, had lost them tragically. It was something you could sense if you had been through something similar. He was probably used to keeping it well hidden from others. “You lost your parents, too?”

  He stood up. Anger flashed over his face as he bristled defensively.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  He grabbed me by the wrist, pulling me up. The cruelty was back in his eyes. “Sorry?” He scoffed bitterly. “Fate is mocking me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He moved closer to me. His eyes became distant and cold as they searched mine. The longer he looked, the more it seemed to incite wrath deep within him. His grip tightening on my wrist until my bones ached. I couldn’t hold back a whimper. He released me and spun away.

  “Why do you affect me?” he muttered. “I should hate you.”

  “Why?”

  His response was to move towards the forest, retreating from my presence once again.

  Later, instead of taking me back to Silverwood to catch the bus, which I figured he’d do, he drove me all the way home. The silent tension between us grew so thick that half-way there I debated about opening the door and diving out of the car just to escape. He had barely pulled up before I was out of the car and running into the house.

  Nineteen

  Tuesday and Wednesday passed by with little interaction with Eli. While Eli avoided me, Samantha seemed to go out of her way to make trouble for me. Her eyes were filled with looks of spite and malevolence. She had probably sensed the strange tension between Eli and me and didn’t like it.

  On Thursday, when Eli drove us up to the ropes site
after school, he did his best to remain true to his charade—pretending I was not there. The silence drove me crazy because I could feel the hostility vibrating off him, the unsaid words hanging on him. Between that and the little sleep I was getting, I could only take so much of his bullshit.

  I huffed, rolling my eyes. “So, it’s going to be like this again?”

  “Like what?”

  I gave him a leveled look. “Like this.” I motioned between us. “We go round and round. It’s like our own warped version of ‘Who’s on First’.”

  His lips twitched with a slight smile.

  “Can I ask you something?” I was feeling bolder. Lack of sleep could do that. A smirk was the only response I got, which was enough for me to go ahead. “What is it about me that makes you bipolar and so angry?” I stared at his profile, unflinching. He turned to look out the side window, his jaw strained as it clenched together in a tight line. “I know this charming personality isn’t just for my benefit. I’ve seen how you are with others, but I know it comes on extra thick with me. So why do you hate me?”

  There was a long silence after he parked the car. We sat there in tense anticipation, neither of us moving for the door.

  “I don’t hate you.” His voice was low and choppy. It almost sounded like he wished he did, and the fact he didn’t was a huge nuisance for him. I stared at him, hoping he’d continue. He seemed to struggle with something, but then shook his head and opened the car door. He grabbed both our backpacks and headed for the site.

  The strangled cry, which I wouldn’t let reach my lips, howled inside me. I got out, slamming the door behind me, simmering with indignation.

  I had bared my soul, told him things I had never told anyone, and now I felt stupid for letting him in. How could I be so stupid?

  My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out, looking at the caller ID. “Hey Ryan, what’s up?”

  “Em, how’s life on the chain gang?”

  “Funny.” A smile grew on my face from ear to ear.

  “Kennedy already texted your dad telling him we’re picking you up later today. He was tickled pink and reminded us not to get you into too much mischief. So, we were thinking a little B and E, or robbing a convenience store. You know, a relaxing Thursday night.”

  “Oh, then it would definitely be a little breaking and entering, which always unwinds me after a long week,” I replied.

  “That’s what I thought, but Kennedy was all for robbing a convenience store,” Ryan exclaimed. “If they’ll let you off for good behavior, where do we pick you up?”

  “I’d be screwed if it was stipulated on my good behavior.” I laughed. I gave him directions to pick me up by the parking lot near the waterfall.

  “Sounds good. Oh and guess what? To celebrate your impending release from the clink and the fact you will hopefully be back with Ken and me soon, I got us tickets for tomorrow night to Poisonous Mushrooms, that local band we’ve been waiting to see. So, wear something hot—the sluttier the better. I heard that’s an easy way to get backstage.”

  I had completely forgotten there was a chance of me leaving Silverwood at the end of the month.

  “Then you wear a slu . . .” My phone was snatched from my ear. “Hey!”

  “Talk on your own time.” Eli turned off my phone. “You can get it back later.”

  “Listen, you are not in charge here. You can’t order me around!”

  He lifted up his arms. “You wanna come and get it back then?” He nodded at the phone stuffed deeply into his front pocket.

  I contemplated it. I seriously contemplated it.

  My eyes darted to him. You are such a bastard.

  It’s so hard being this good at something, his eyes replied.

  Kiss my ass.

  If you’d like me to start there.

  I ground my teeth in irritation as opposing emotions rolled around in my stomach. The height of my maturity reared its ugly head. I stuck my tongue out at his back as he headed up the trail.

  “I can think of many other uses for it than that,” he replied, never even turning around.

  I stood there, blinking in shock. Does this guy have eyes in the back of his head?

  “You know, if you needed a ride home later, you could have just asked.” He turned to face me and walked backwards up the trail. A naughty, half-grin played on his lips, his voice was low and seductive. I wished that every time I looked at him it didn’t unnerve me so much. Besides his “take me now” bad-boy looks, there was also something about him that both drew me in and terrified me.

  “Yeah, but I prefer the rides that don’t come with STDs.”

  Eli’s mouth tugged at the corners as his eyes glowed with an evil mischievousness. “That would be the least of your worries.” He turned, heading for the storage unit.

  He seriously had to be bi-polar.

  I went the opposite way, walking down towards the obstacle course. It was safer to have distance between us. Not until I was ankle deep in dirt and foliage did I start to calm down. Blue skies opened up above my head, and an involuntary smile stretched across my face. It was colder today because there was no cloud cover, but seeing the sun made me want to crawl onto a rock like a snake and soak up every ray. Closing my eyes, I turned my face up to the warm sun, feeling my skin absorb the beams. I could feel myself slipping into a meditative state, becoming lighter as I relaxed.

  I started picturing myself as a leaf, fluttering in the wind. It felt so good to let go of all the stress and frustration. My eyes opened. Shock forced me to draw in a large gulp of air. Dozens of leaves were suspended in the air around me, floating in place. I knew I was capable of doing strange things, but it still frightened me. It was a clear sign that I was not normal. I concentrated on an individual leaf, feeling the energy radiating from it. It floated back up into the air. I opened up my range, moving several more leaves at once.

  Holy shit. I’m really doing this.

  I heard a noise behind me. Whipping around, I saw Eli watching me. The instant my concentration fractured, the leaves fluttered to the ground, some landing placidly on Eli’s jacket. The look on his face made a chill creep into my body. The sun no longer felt warm on my skin. It was one thing to know something was different about me, but for someone else to see it was a whole other issue.

  Picking up a leaf on his jacket, he crushed it in his hand. His intense stare never wavered from mine. I expected shock, fear, or possibly awe, but he showed none of those reactions. The way he examined me was disturbing. I couldn’t stay there another second. Grabbing my backpack, I ran for the trail.

  “Where the hell are you going?”

  I didn’t respond but continued to hoof it down the hill. He never had the courtesy to tell me where he was going, so why should I?

  “Brycin,” he shouted.

  Yeah, it doesn’t feel so nice on the other side now, does it?

  I wanted some time alone. I needed to think, so I headed for the waterfall. He would figure out where I went, I knew that, but I was hoping it would give me some time. In all honesty, I didn’t even know if he’d bother coming after me. At that moment, I didn’t care.

  When I got to the bridge, the sound of the water was soothing and comforted my soul. Dangling my feet over the edge, I stared at the water as it gushed down. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to focus on the sound of the crashing water, taking slow deep breaths.

  Time became inconsequential to me. I lost myself to the revolving inquires in my brain.

  Eventually I started to shiver with cold and become aware of my surroundings again. The sun was now melting below the horizon, leaving shadows in its wake. Ryan would be picking me up soon, and I couldn’t let him see me like this. If Kennedy was with him, I had to be even more diligent. I swaddled my emotions tightly and placed them deep within me. Forcing an easy-going smile on my lips, I reached around to grab my backpack. And stopped.

  Several yards away, Eli leaned against a tree, his eyes gleaming through the dark shadows. Wi
thout question, I knew he had been there the whole time, watching me. Giving me space but keeping watch, making sure I was okay. Seeing his face there made me forget all the warnings he had given me, the strange things that had happened between us, and the fact that something told me I should run away from him, screaming.

  I knew what I wanted. Needed. Without second-guessing myself, I got up and walked steadily over to him, stopping only when I was a breath away from his lips. He didn’t back away, but his expression was guarded, his eyes tracking my every movement. Without hesitation, I slipped my arms around his waist, leaning my head against his chest.

  For a second he just stood there, his body stiffening at my touch. I didn’t let go. His body heat only drew me in closer. He let out a staggered breath, gradually wrapping his strong arms around me as he pulled me into a tight hug, laying his cheek against my head. We stood there silently holding on to each other, pretending for just that moment the outside world didn’t exist. His heart hammered against my chest, as mine slammed against his.

  I felt safe, protected, and happy; and, even though it wasn’t true, I wanted to believe it was. We stayed like this for a long time, neither one of us letting go. Finally, I pulled back a little and whispered, “Thank you.” He nodded as he let go of me, but he didn’t move away. A mistake was looking up into his eyes. They burned so intently, that I felt heat rise into my face. He made me want to do things I really shouldn’t have been thinking about.

  I stepped away, but his fingers curled around the front of my coat, pulling me back in. I waited for an awkward, uncomfortable feeling to come over me. It didn’t. All I could feel was the heat blazing through my body. “Eli . . .” I weakly put a warning in my voice.

  A grin hinted at his lips. He was aware I didn’t really mean it. That roguish smile always caused my heart to jump up into my throat. I knew what it meant and felt helpless to stop it—I didn’t want to stop it.

  He bent slowly over me, giving me plenty of time to object. His hands still gripped the front of my jacket, tugging me in closer, causing me to feel dizzy and breathless. His lips moved down to mine. I wanted to feel his lips on mine so badly it was almost painful. His top lip barely grazed mine when a shrilling horn blasted through the air. We collided into each other as we jumped in shock.