West (A Darkness Series Novel) Page 18

  Cammie ripped out of my hold, her wavy blond hair tangling in my fingers as she shoved me away.

  “Don’t act like you’re shielding me. You’re only looking out for yourself.”

  “No. Believe me. This is for you!” I yelled back. Energy blasted into me, and I knew a few seconds before they knocked my brothers were there. Fuck. They were already here. Panic steamrolled through my veins.

  “West, it’s time,” Eli broke into my head, talking through our link. It jolted me to hear him so strong through the connection. I hadn’t heard any of them for years.

  Cammie flinched when a fist pounded on the door.

  “Cammie, listen to me. We don’t have a lot of time.”

  Her attention was still on the door when I grabbed her chin to bring it back to me.

  “You want to know the truth? The real me?” I could feel where I was going, desperation making me act, turning off every warning bell and logical thought.

  “Yes. I want to know everything about you. Whatever trouble you’re in, we can figure it out together.”

  “West?” Eli spoke through the door, a slight warning in his tone. He could hear every word I said. His presence only seemed to induce me to act faster.

  “I’m not in trouble. It’s not like that. It’s not who I am but more of what I am.”

  “West! What the fuck are you doing, brother?” Eli beat on the door again. Anxiety tightened his voice. They would break through that flimsy door in a moment trying to stop me.

  “What are you talking about?” Her head kept snapping to the door then back to me. Her southern politeness struggled with not opening the door and greeting the visitor, but I held her in place.

  “I need you to be really open to what I’m about to tell you.”

  “West. Don’t.” The door shook as someone slammed into it.

  Cammie yelped, her body trembling. The beast could taste her fear on its tongue, waking it from the slumber I put it in.

  “I’m not…I’m not what you think. I’m not human.” I ignored the shuddering of the door, the creaking of wood. Cammie’s unease rose with every breath and boiled under the surface. I should have stopped, should have known her human brain was not calm enough to accept what I was about to show her, but I couldn’t. I thought this was the only way I could save us. If she really saw me, the beast would claim her. He wanted to, I could feel it, but hadn’t yet. Once she was my mate, they couldn’t part us, or hurt her.

  I dropped one hand from her, raising it between us. I would start out small. Let her first see I was more than human.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Cooper come around the glass doors in the back, his fist breaking through, going for the lock.

  “Don’t do this, man. You know the rules.” He swung open the door. The front door burst open at the same time, Eli and Lorcan charging into the house.

  It was too late. My arm shifted into the beast’s claw. Silky, deep black fur grew up my arm. Claws like scythes protruded from the tips of my fingers, displaying the killing machine I was.

  Everything froze for a moment. Then Cammie’s eyes widened as she took in my hand, a gurgled cry humming in her chest.

  I had to speak. Calm her down. “Don’t be scared.” I ignored the guys, keeping my gaze on her. But my words had little effect on her.

  Her body went from shaking to convulsing and a shrill scream came out of her lungs, flushing chills down my back. And the shrieks didn’t stop.

  “Cammie, it’s okay. It’s still me.” I let go of the beast, my hand shifting back to normal. “I’m what you call a Dark Dweller. I’m a fae from the Otherworld.” I could hear my desperation for her to understand, the pleading growing more frantic.

  She backpedaled away from me, her terrorized eyes glancing around the room at the huge figures looming around her. I could sense she knew we were all the same. Something she didn’t understand. Threats.

  I’d considered telling her before, but every time I played it out in my mind, I eased her into it. Slowly let her see my true nature. Reality gave me no luxury. I threw her in headfirst. I wanted to believe her love would overcome her fright. Noting the hysterical fear pumping off her, this would not be the case. “Cammie. Please.” I reached for her. She screamed louder, painful, frenetic wails.

  She thought she wanted to know the truth.

  “You are a fucking idiot, West.” Lorcan came closer. “You know the rules. Why would you do this? Killing her was not on my agenda today.”

  Fuck…Lorcan. The moment Lorcan’s words emerged, the air transformed into a wild river.

  “You won’t touch her!” I whirled on Lorcan. “My beast has claimed her.”

  “No, it hasn’t.” Eli curled his hands into tight fists. Shit. As the alpha, he would know most of all.

  “It will. Once she accepts it.”

  “That’s not how it works,” Eli snarled, stepping farther into the room, away from the door.

  Cammie’s cries turned into words. “Help!” she screamed, and bolted for the back door.

  “Sorry, girl. We can’t let you go.” Cooper stepped in front of her. His eyes were soft, but his large taut arms threatened to capture her.

  “Help! Help me!” High-pitched shrieks echoed off the walls. The neighbors were close. Someone would hear her soon.

  “Cammie, please calm down. No one is going to hurt you.” I tried to get near her, my voice soothing. Her gaze turned on me, and I felt as though my guts were being ripped out through my throat. She no longer saw me. William Miller, the man she fell in love with, was gone. All she saw was the freak, the monster underneath. She twisted on her heels and dashed for the broken front door.

  “Cammie!” I leaped for her. But as I sprang for her, Eli did as well. In a scared daze, Cammie jerked forward and slipped on the tile. Eli stretched to catch her, grabbing her by the neck. Cammie’s body went one way, her neck the other. With a crack, her spine twisted and snapped. Her body collapsed to the ground.

  Lifeless.

  My love.

  My life.

  Gone.

  “All it took was one moment. One moment changed everything. It was my fault.” I struggled to swallow over the knot in my throat. Time had eased the consuming pain and guilt I felt for so long, but it would never go away completely. And clearly my subconscious was being haunted again. “I was so naïve and stupid. And I killed her.”

  “You didn’t kill her. It was an accident.” Rez touched my arm.

  I pulled away. “You and I aren’t that innocent. I may not have killed her right then, but her life was over the instant I walked into her café. It was only a matter of time. I should have walked away and left her alone. She could be alive right now. Living the life she always wanted with kids, a husband who adored her, in the house she loved, and working in her café.

  “Lorcan was the most honest. We would have had to kill her. She was human. I should have left with my brothers, made the sacrifice for her. But I was greedy. I wanted it all. I kept hoping I could force the beast to claim her, but even then it knew more than me. And I took everything from her because I was selfish. I didn’t care about the consequences. I only saw my happiness.

  “The first few months after Cammie’s death, I had let myself go into the darkness. I killed without conscience. I fucked without care. I drank without limit. My brothers stuck by me, got me out of jail many times, but Cole had to curb me from doing deals or going out in public. After a while I settled down, hid behind the humor and appeared the easygoing guy. The charmer. But the darkness was always there. The guilt. The regret.”

  I scratched my stubble and stared at the flames.

  “I told Eli I didn’t blame him. But years later when he met Ember and started acting like a fool in love, I couldn’t deny the bitterness I felt. The anger I kept down resurfaced, and even though I really liked Em, all I could see was Cammie…what I had been denied. The love and connection between Ember and Eli was so off the charts I resented him.

 
“Those two were meant for each other. No matter how often I felt Ember was someone I could have fallen for, she was Eli’s, and Eli was hers. Seeing them together stirred pain in me I wanted to keep buried. I vowed I’d never let myself love like that ever again.”

  “Is it why you chose Lorcan’s side?” Rez tilted her head as if she finally understood something. “Ember told me the story about how Lorcan thought Eli lost his way because of her and separated with a few of you.”

  “Uh. Part.” I grunted a harsh laugh. “There was more to why I followed Lorcan, the loyalty I deemed for what he had done for me in the past, but Cammie had been a big part. Another thoughtless decision.” I picked up my head, turning to Rez. “Seems I am full of them, darlin’.”

  “You act with your heart. You jump. Think after.” Her shoulder brushed mine as she curved more toward me. “Not foolish at all. I’m kind of envious.”

  “Envious?” I snorted.

  “Yeah. I overanalyze and overthink everything. No emotion. Sometimes I feel dead inside. Always thinking but never feeling.”

  My gaze met hers. The flames flickered over her irises. Suddenly the fire felt blistering, sucking all the oxygen from the room.

  “How about you take some of my impulsive actions, and I’ll take some of your overthinking.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” She smiled.

  “I guess we’ll have to have joint custody of them.”

  “You can have them every other weekend.”

  “Okay, but I’m the one who gets alimony.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because your job is much better than mine, darlin’.” I lifted an eyebrow and winked. “Better perks.”

  Her eyes met mine. An emotion flickered through them too fast for me to capture it. She turned away from me, like she was hurt or angry. I had meant to tease her, like I did every day with every girl. This felt odd, uncomfortable. I swallowed hard.

  We were silent for a few minutes. Unlike my brothers, I tended to talk, fill empty space with meaningless chitchat. For the life of me, I couldn’t think of one thing to say. It had never been a problem for me. I enjoyed twisting an awkward moment into the unbearable.

  Rez’s voice was soft. “Just so you know…the perks, as you call them...aren’t.” She kept her head forward. “They haven’t been for a long time.”

  I could feel my eyebrows knit together. What was she saying? She and Lars weren’t sleeping together? The idea seemed highly unlikely. The Dark Unseelie King merely slept beside a stunning siren? No way, no way in hell. I would find it impossible to resist Rez if she were lying next to me. No man had that kind of restraint.

  “What do you mean?”

  She wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them tighter to her chest, then leaned her chin on her knees, staring at me. “You’re not the only one haunted by ghosts.”

  My frown deepened as my confusion increased.

  “The moment Ember came into our lives, she brought with her the ghosts of his past. That’s what lies between Lars and me in bed now.”

  “Aisling,” I filled in the name.

  “The love of his life.” Rez curved her chin to face the fire. “How can you fight with a memory? The only one he ever loved. He still mourns her...I’ve caught him a few times, staring off, a sadness in his eyes. She will always win.”

  “Do you love him?”

  She took a long inhale. “I love him the way I love anyone close to me. But not the way I should. I am not in love with him.”

  “What do you mean like you should?”

  “You know.” Her voice went quiet again. “Passionate, consuming love. The kind that gives you butterflies.” She tucked strands behind her ear, showing off the slopes of her high cheekbones. “Lars and I work well together. We are exceptionally compatible, and I have a great life, help run the house and a lot of the King’s business. We could have contently kept living harmoniously together.” She stopped, her lids blinking.

  I sensed the “but” not vocalized and waited for her to continue. My mouth was dry, the heat in the room seeming to go from freezing to boiling in minutes. Time ticked by. Finally I heard the word fall from my mouth like it couldn’t help itself. “But?”

  Her lids closed briefly before they lifted, and she pushed her legs out straight. “I’m starting to feel like I want more, that being content isn’t enough anymore.”

  My mind buzzed with wanting to ask her why. What made her decide that? Why now? But I didn’t. I had no right to know. Even this much of the King’s personal life was more than I felt I should know. I had no idea how the Unseelie King felt about her, but she was his. It was about power.

  Roles in the Seelie court were opposite because their Queen was in control. Kennedy wouldn’t take advantage of it, but the last Queen did. I knew all too well. I had been her prisoner to do with as she pleased. My lungs were suddenly full of tar, and I had to close my eyes to get control of my breathing, pushing away the awful memories.

  I felt a hand brush softly through my hair and I opened my eyes. Rez quickly dropped her hand, but her eyes were crimped with concern. Instead of getting angry or defensive, I stared back at her, desire spreading heat through my body.

  She sensed it. The worry dropped from her features, turning unreadable, but she didn’t look away.

  All it takes is one moment.

  One moment can change everything.

  Kissing Rez earlier was not something I would ever forget. The feel of her lips, her mouth as desperate as mine, and the feel of her moving against me would be forever ingrained in my memory.

  What really pissed me off, the icing on the truth cake, was looking back, I think I knew… I knew it had been Rez from the moment her lips touched mine. Rez tasted, smelled, and felt different from Cammie. My beast reacted differently. But I wanted to believe so badly it was Cammie so I could touch her again and tell her I was sorry. For one moment I let myself keep pretending it was a dream. But what dream did I want to stay in? The one where I had Cammie back, or the one in which I had Rez?

  The ghost of Cammie now vanished from the room. From me. All I saw was Rez. Her beauty was almost painful, but during the week I had seen passed that, to the real woman underneath the gorgeous face. I loved the times when she was relaxed, laughing, and joking, or stressed and pissed off at me. I’d grown to appreciate the woman who hated chaos but found amusement in the anarchy I delivered daily to her life. I liked them all.

  Suddenly, all I wanted was to kiss her again. To take off her clothes. Nibble her skin. Taste her everywhere. To know what places I could touch her to make her lose her mind. To know how it felt to be inside her. My chest squeezed, and I looked away. No way. No how. I had already made enough stupid decisions in my life.

  Rez was off limits. That was the only certainty here.

  The next morning, after a rare, peaceful slumber, I left Rez to sleep in and walked to town to grab groceries and diving stuff. My chest felt lighter, like unsealing Cammie had finally set her free. Set me free. I had loved her. I always would in some way, but it was time to let her go, along with the guilt and anger. I would always regret what I did and the choices I made, but I couldn’t change them, and the girl I knew would want me to be happy.

  I wished I had been stronger for her, loving her enough to walk away. Even my beast knew deep down she wasn’t the one. It never actually claimed her, no matter how much I wanted it to.

  Keeping my hood up, I slipped in and out of the stores, getting some things we needed. The less we were out in public, the better. The shifter gang would be out in force searching for us.

  Carrying a diving suit, tank, and groceries more than three miles in sheep-shit ridden fields and squelching in the muck was a pain in the ass, but the items were essential. Rez was about to be in her element…I was not. Water in general I liked: showers, drinking it, pools, and even skinny-dipping in calm waters was cool. A vast, deep, wild sea? Nope. No, thank you. I liked my feet on the ground. But there was no way I was goi
ng to let Rez do this on her own. This was where I really understood the partnership part of our work together, our strengths and weaknesses, and why she wanted to fight next to me. She was up to bat now, and I wasn’t going to be left sitting on the bench.

  “I swear, West Moseley.” Her yells clobbered me the moment I stepped into the door. “If I wake up one more time and you’re gone…with no note, no idea if you actually tossed yourself over a cliff this time…” Rez flayed her arms around in anger. “I will toss you over myself!”

  “Sorry, darlin’.” I set the diving equipment down, taking the groceries to the kitchenette. “Guess I’m not really used to having to tell someone where I am.”

  “Well, get used to it.” She put her hands on her hips, looking so fucking adorable in her PJs, hair in a messy bun, pissed as hell at me. “Because if you make me panic like that again…” Her eyes were narrowed in crinkled slits.

  I moved to her without thinking, sliding my hand beneath her jaw and pulling up her head till our gazes met. “I’m truly sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  Her eyes searched mine, the fright still etched in them. I wanted to take it away, to fill them with joy. Yet her concern for me twisted something deep in me I didn’t fully understand.

  Wanting to kiss her was a continual struggle, but now that I knew how her lips felt on mine, how she tasted, it was a full-blown battle. I wanted to explore her mouth, nip on those full lips, and this time be fully aware it was her.

  When she cleared her throat, I realized I had been staring at her the whole time. Shit. I pulled back, hitting the air tank.

  Rez looked at the object and a smile bloomed on her face. “You got a diving tank?”

  “Got to keep up with you, don’t I?”

  “Oh, I highly doubt, Mr. Moseley, you could ever keep up with me.” She flashed me a mischievous grin and turned for the bathroom, grabbing a pile of clothes on her bed.

  I stood there, my mouth on the floor, my dick pointing to the ceiling.