Twisted Love (Blinded Love Series Book 3) Page 23

  “That should be the end of the story. You’d think it would be enough, right?” I used my free hand to brush a rogue tear away. “My dad’s death. The gang ra—assault.” I couldn’t say the word, the shame continued to slither around me, sucking me dry like leeches. It wouldn’t disappear just because I finally admitted the truth out loud. Logically I knew it wasn’t my fault, but doubt was hard to stop, especially in this society where girls were blamed for putting themselves in that place. As if boys don’t have to take any responsibility for their actions. There were reasons girls don’t come forward.

  “After I walked out of the party, violated and stripped of everything, I was so distraught…the thought of the grief my father would feel over what happened to me…” My throat closed, taking a few tries to push my words through. “The car came out of nowhere…hit and run.” I paused.

  “Well, that’s what everyone believes anyway.”

  The largest lie sat on my tongue, the secret no one knew. One I had pushed so deep, I even tried to convince myself it wasn’t true. But like a dead body, it eventually would float up, no longer hiding in the shadows.

  I squeezed my lids, breathing through my teeth.

  “Jordy and his friends had killed the last bit of innocence and hope in me, the part that loved and believed in love and goodness. The emptiness and shame suffocated me, buried me. I thought happiness could never reach me again. That joy and life had been shredded from me. I wanted it all to end. The pain, the heartache, the grief.” Tears spilled down my face as I recalled the darkness I felt. The hollowness. “In less than a couple of days I abruptly lost my father and was raped by a group I thought were my friends.”

  “I saw the car from down the street…” I gulped, gripping his hand tighter. “I waited for it. And I stepped out.” The truth tumbled from me as if it were trying to escape, be let back into the light of day. “I wanted all the pain to end. I wanted to end my life.” A small sob hiccupped in my throat. “I tried to kill myself.”

  Anguish bowed me over until my head was on his chest, my shoulders shaking with cries. “What’s worse, I was so angry I didn’t die, like death didn’t want me either. Another fuck you, Stevie, I’m taking that from you too.” My fingers curled into his hospital gown, feeling his heartbeat softly against my ear. “But now I can only be thankful I didn’t. That there was light at the end of the tunnel. That I became strong. A fighter. And if I had died, I would have never met Whiskey… I would never have met you.” I lifted my head to watch Chris. “And I was always supposed to meet you, Ape-boy.” My hand reached up, trailing over his mouth and jaw.

  “Fight for me, Tarzan. For all of us who love you. Don’t give up.” I leaned up, brushing my lips over his. “I love you.”

  The hiss of the oxygen pumping into his lungs was like a melody in my head, music singing a heartbreaking tune. I placed my ear to his chest, his heartbeat so soft, I had to shut my eyes to focus on it, a soft hum of a song vibrating in my throat. The song “Gypsy” and what it meant to me played in my mind.

  “And it all comes down to you. Goodness strikes maybe once or twice. And you see your gypsy…” I muttered and croaked against his chest, my fingers trying to absorb the feel of him. To burn it to memory. “She is dancing away…her memory is all that’s left….”

  The Stevie Nicks song he got my nickname from fit so perfectly. But he was the one who was dancing away from me. His memory was all I had left.

  “Don’t tell me your death is some sick lesson for me,” I whispered, wiping my nose on his gown. “Some cheesy movie crap I’ll be thanking you for opening my heart and showing it could love again even though you’re no longer here. Because that’s bullshit.”

  Monitors beeped in response.

  “You know me better than that.” I hugged myself closer to his motionless body. “I’m too stubborn. I will only get more bitter and closed off. I won’t take this as some gift that at least I had you for a moment. No. I’m an only kid. I’m selfish. I want more. I want forever. And after forever, I’ll still want more.” My soul was tearing in half, because I knew life wouldn’t let me have this one. It seemed determined to teach me some lesson. I was here to say farewell.

  I lifted my head, trembling. “Please…” Don’t make me say goodbye. “Chris.”

  Beep! Beep! Beep!

  Alarms chimed and shrilled in the room, his monitors flickering and clanging, shivering down my spine. My heart leaped up in my throat, my body following.

  “No!” I screamed. “Help!”

  Beep! Beep! Beep!

  His heart monitor flatlined, slamming into my ears and grating my insides like cheese.

  Nurses sprinted into the room, shoving me away, reaching for the machines and his vitals, their intonations strained and rushed.

  Panic ripped the air from my lungs. When I had watched my father die, the squeals of the machines giving up as he died reminded me of a woeful song he wrote. The forlorn sound of the violin wrenched the tears and heartache from you with just a sound. It all blazed in my ears, floating from my body as I watched them work on him, trying to restart his heart.

  I didn’t even know I was screaming until someone came into the room and pulled me out, the echoes of my cries blaring down the corridor, my pain crooning off the walls.

  “Noooooo!” I tried to fight their hold, but the grip the large nurse had on me was unrelenting, dragging me down the hall until the doors slid open, the faces of my friends staring at me in horror, popping out of their seats.

  My legs gave out in front of Hunter and Jayme, crumpling like soggy chips. My howls told them everything they needed to know.

  “No. Oh. God. No.” Jayme fell down next to me, cries breaking her body as we wrapped our arms around each other. Hunter collapsed into his chair, running his hands over his face. He hunched over in utter anguish, his shoulders shaking. Commotion from Jones, Megan, and Doug happened around me, but I heard and saw nothing, because I didn’t feel tethered to the world anymore.

  Chris had been my tether. Lightning only struck once. And he was it. Little did either of us know the song “Gypsy” would be about him. Not me.

  He was the one who would dance away from me, leaving me with only a memory.

  None of us moved or spoke for what felt like hours, stiff as mannequins. No one had come out to tell us differently, so we sat. Silently. None of us seemed willing to talk first, to admit we had no reason to wait here anymore. Or ask what was next.

  Chris had no family, except his estranged father. Would he want him to know? Everyone he loved was right here.

  The part of me that enjoyed planning things wanted to busy herself. Anything to ease the pain, throw myself into organizing. I was good at that. But I couldn’t even seem to breathe or speak, move or think. I had shut down. Turned numb. Staring at the floor, lost in the specks on the tiles like they were another universe I could fall into.

  My cell buzzed in my pocket, but it became another discordant melody to my heartache, reminding me Chris would never be the one on the other end. After that thought nothing mattered.

  Why did we did we waste that time apart? Only to have a moment together before it was all taken from us? How fucking cruel was that? I was mad he came back into my life, but more pissed he was taken from it. And why did I leave him when he most needed me?

  The tortuous thoughts and memories of his body tangled with mine rolled around and round in my head. The room was closing in on me, trapping me inside every memory of Chris. My heart pummeled my ribs like a boxer, sweat trickling down my spine.

  “Fuck this.” I jumped up.

  “Where are you going?” Jayme lifted her head.

  I didn’t answer, needing to leave the space, as if a heavy door was shutting, trapping me in it forever.

  I only made it down the hallway until I fell against the wall and slid down. My phone vibrated again. Tugging it out I saw I had over a dozen missed calls from Tristen, Andy, Maxine, and a New York number I didn’t recognize.
>
  The mobile chirped, showing I had several messages. Automatically I pushed the button, putting it to my ear.

  “Stevie. Hello, this is Aiden.” He paused, music and chatter in the background. “I’m calling to talk to you about the cover design gig. I am still uneasy about hiring you, but I recently had a meeting in LA with The Devil Inside. Just to see what they would say, I showed them some of your work.” He paused, music flowing behind him. “They loved every piece and said they could feel their music in your art. Told me to hire you on the spot. They have a few ideas but would love to work with you. So, call me back as soon as you get this. The opportunity to make a name for yourself is at your doorstep. Don’t mess it up,” he said and hung up.

  My eyes drifted closed, my fingers squeezing my cell. If he had called a day ago, I would have been screaming and dancing with excitement. Today it only felt as though salt was being rubbed into my wound. Like I only got something good because something even more important was taken from me. That too much good happening to me had to be balanced out with something horrendous. I’d give it all up to have Chris back. Another moment with my dad.

  I listened to a few more messages from Mom, Maxine, and Tristen to call them back drifted in my ear. I was bad at checking messages, forgetting I even had them on there. I was about to click off my phone, when a deep voice filled the device.

  “Gyps.” I inhaled sharply at his familiar voice. My face flushed hot, fresh tears springing into my eyes. When did he call me? It felt so strange to hear his voice and know I would never again in real life. “I have to talk quietly since you finally fell asleep,” Chris said, his voice sounding wispy. “You’re gorgeous when you sleep, by the way. Though you do snore like a truck.” He chuckled, and I knew he was staring down at me when he spoke. “I know this is strange, talking to you this way, but I’ve never been good at letting people in. Showing my emotions. It’s something I learned at an early age to hide. But you…you broke every one of my rules. I’m mad we wasted so much time apart. But having you here, lying naked next to me now…there’s no one else I’d want here.”

  Tears slid down my cheeks, my knuckles white where they gripped my cell, greedy to hear more of his deep, sexy voice.

  “But I know you, Gyps. You are trying. You are trying so hard to be here for me. But I can see it in your eyes you want to run. And I don’t blame you. Fuck, I’d probably feel the same. You didn’t sign up for this. And you shouldn’t have to go through this again. For that I am so sorry.”

  My body started to convulse, hearing him apologize to me for something horrible he was going through.

  “You may never understand my reasons for doing this, but I won’t go through what my mother did. I wouldn’t do that to my friends, and I especially wouldn’t do it to you. I’d rather die fast than slow and torturous…” He drifted off, coming back softer. “There is a good chance I won’t make it tomorrow. And I want you to know I don’t blame you if you run from this shitshow. And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it. I know it’s how you deal. Don’t wallow, please, or let Hunter or the group either. I hate that mourning crap. Go back to New York and do whatever makes you happy. Be the gypsy I love.” He stopped, clearing his throat. “And I do love you, Stevie. Always have.”

  A sob wracked my chest, tears dripping down my neck onto my shirt.

  “Probably the whole reason I’m even talking to your message machine while you lie right next to me is to tell you that. I want you to be happy. Whether that’s with a Belle or a Beast, though there will only ever be one Tarzan. Let’s just be honest, it would be pointless and cruel to everyone else to even compare them with me in bed.” He rumbled again. “You have a huge heart, Stevie Colvin. Don’t think for one moment you can hide it. And please don’t shut it off.” He coughed. “Okay this has gotten way too sentimental and cheesy. Guess I’m feeling it tonight. Hope you don’t listen to this until I’m in surgery. I’d never hear the end of it, huh?” He exhaled, ruffling my heart. “Okay, I’m gonna go. Just know whatever happens…I love you. Bye, Gypsy.”

  The call clicked off.

  My mobile fell from my hand, clattering to the floor, my shoulders shaking with grief. In the end, it was Chris who had said goodbye first.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  My feet carried me absently back to the waiting room, Chris’s voice and sentiment leaving me raw and gutted. I couldn’t get over what he said, his presence so alive it was unthinkable I had watched him die not too long ago. It confused my head and my soul even more. It didn’t feel like he was gone, as though I could tug him out of the phone, make him real again. Even my brain was not accepting the truth.

  Maybe I needed to hear the doctor officially say it. Put the nail in the coffin, so to speak.

  Hunter glanced up when I came back in, taking my hand in his free one. Jayme sat curled against him, one hand threaded through Hunter’s. Doug stared at the ceiling, his eyes red. Jones sat next to him, gazing at the ground. Megan’s head lifted from Jones’s shoulder, tears streaking her face.

  “I should call Krista,” she said softly as she stood, none of us responding either way. She sucked in deeply, moving toward the hallway, cell in hand, when the doors slid open and Dr. Levine stepped out.

  The rest of the group stood, our bodies freezing like deer in headlights, knowing what was coming.

  “I apologize it took me so long to get out here.” Dr. Levine shoulders sagged with exhaustion. “I can’t imagine what you’ve all been going through.” He looked at each one of us, pausing on me a beat longer. “Chris has incredible friends. Family.”

  A squeaky noise came from Megan’s throat, her head bowing.

  I wanted the doctor to lie to me, let me live in my pretend world a little longer, but at the same time, I just wanted the band-aid ripped off.

  “Just say it.” I moved away from the group, standing in front. I rolled my shoulders back. Hearing Chris’s voice had gutted me, but oddly given me strength. I wanted to prove him wrong. Yes, I did run like he thought, but never again. He had changed me. I’m not going to run, Tarzan. Through the worst, I was going to be here. Until we either sprinkled him over a supercross track or buried him in the ground, I’d be here. For him. For my friends. “As his wife…what do you need me to do?” I remembered my mom having to sign a lot of paperwork, dealing with insurance, and my father’s burial.

  “Wife. Right.” Dr. Levine smirked, as if we shared a secret. Dr. Levine knew we weren’t married, but he looked the other way, knowing Chris needed me there. “There’s not much to do. Just be by his side.”

  I remember when the doctor said something similar to my mother and me. Giving us a chance to say our final goodbye before they took his body away.

  “Thought we lost him.” The doctor shook his head, and my world ground to a halt again. My hope sank like lead, and I gasped for air. “But damn, that kid’s a fighter. Gave us a huge scare.”

  “What?” My spine went rigid, my eyes blistering open.

  “Actually, it would probably be good for each of you to be in there. Let him hear your voices. Know you’re there.”

  “Wait. Are-are you—” Hunter came up next to me, his chest fluttering with twisted hope like mine. “What are you saying?”

  “What do you mean?” Dr. Levine tilted his head in confusion.

  “Is… He’s alive?” Jones moved in next to Hunter.

  Dr. Levine’s lids narrowed. “I’m so sorry. Did the nurse not come out and tell you earlier?”

  “No,” Doug barked, his hands rolled into fists. His laid-back attitude gone. “But you better.”

  “Chris is alive,” Dr. Levine declared, his gaze locking on us. “He’s actually breathing on his own now.”

  “What?” Optimism filled my chest like helium. I could almost float, but the cement filling my legs kept me pinned to the ground. My heart was not quite ready to trust anything yet. “But…I saw him flatline.”

  “Yes. We thought we lost him for a few moments. But we
restarted his heart. He even woke up for a bit. He’s off the machines and breathing on his own now. As I said, he is a fighter.” He looked at me closely. “Chris is very much alive.”

  “Oh. God.” I thrust my hand to my chest, my legs buckling. Hunter grabbed me before I collapsed to the ground with a guttural cry.

  “He’s resting now, and we want to monitor him closely for a while, but I think it would be good for him to know you guys are here for him. He’s been through a lot.”

  Sobs clawed up my throat. Happiness, relief, and joy bubbled up, knocking against the doubt, heartache, grief, and pain, the switch was so fast it spun my head, tipping my world.

  Jayme clutched onto my other side, keeping me standing.

  “Shit,” Doug whispered hoarsely, a strangled laugh floating up his throat. “I couldn’t be more grateful Singer is a stubborn fuck.”

  “Me too, my friend.” Jones nodded, patting Doug’s arm, exhaling in reprieve. “Me. Fucking. Too.”

  Then in one sweeping motion, Doug rushed us, reaching out, gathering us roughly into a group hug. Our bodies and heads all smacked against each other. A giggle snorted from my nose, and Jayme and Jones chuckled. A leak of relief, like a balloon with a tiny hole stretched with every elated release. Everyone else followed behind them similar to dominoes, a loop of laughter.

  “Whoo-hoo!” Doug pulled us in tighter, tilting his head back, whooping until the nurses were shushing us, and we were wiping the tears of joy from our eyes, letting happiness wash away the agony we had just been drowning in a moment ago. “I’m sooooo glad that asshole didn’t die.”

  Jones dropped his head forward, snickering. “Damn it, Dougie…”

  “What?” He peered at all of us, earnestly wondering what he said this time.

  Jones shook his head. “Don’t ever fuckin’ change.”