Twisted Love (Blinded Love Series Book 3) Page 20

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Here you go, sexy, The Corset.” Maxine handed me a cocktail as she wiggled back through the crowd to me. “Looks as if you need it.”

  “Oh yeah.” I nodded, clicking my glass against hers before taking a deep swig.

  The bar was almost packed, mostly by people I recognized from art school. The mix of chatter and jazz music thumped through me. A speakeasy-inspired bar, Bathtub Gin, was dark, swanky, and sexy with dark rich woods, low lighting, and amazing music and drinks, which were more an art form. An actual copper tub stood in the middle of the room, which could get any conversation started. The drunker people got, the more the tub became a prop for crazy pictures.

  “Tristen said you disappeared after the interview, and he didn’t get to talk to you about how it went.” Her dark penciled-in eyebrows crunched together as she watched me inhale a drink that should be sipped.

  “I’m sure Aiden’s lack of enthusiasm said it all.” I drew my newly dyed blonde-and-midnight-blue-tipped hair over my shoulder. The first thing I did after the interview was run to the drugstore. I needed to feel like me again, but it only made me feel emptier. I had stood in front of the mirror looking at the colored tips of my hair as a waving flag: Look at the colorful façade hiding a hollow interior.

  “Tris and Andy already cornered me anyway.” I nodded toward the boys talking at the bar with a group from school. They waited for me outside, grabbing me the moment I walked up, making me spill every detail. Tris said he never saw much of Aiden the rest of the day, didn’t have the chance to ask him how the interview went.

  I could tell him. Bad.

  “You couldn’t have screwed it up that much.” Maxine shook her head. Her long black bob brushed her shoulders. Despite the hot night, she was dressed in a long-sleeved skull-printed skater dress and blood red booties. Maxine liked showing off her legs but was still insecure about her shoulders and arms, always hiding them with sleeves or a jacket. I tried many times to get her to wear at least short sleeves, but that crossed her comfort line, and I had to respect that. She was such an amazing person. I hated society’s norms for femininity still caused her so much pain. Other than her parents, who struggled at first with her transition, most people treated Maxine with respect and had no problem with the idea that Mark was now Maxine.

  “That’s not the Stevie I know.” She sipped her drink. “The confident, no bullshit, strong woman who dominates a room.”

  “Yeah. She took the day off.”

  “I’m sure it’s not as awful as you’re letting on.” She stared across the room, her eyes widening. “Oh shit.”

  “What?”

  “I forgot to tell you…” She wouldn’t meet my gaze, appearing sheepish. “Liam asked if he could come. I felt bad, so I told him yes.”

  “Maxie…” My head fell back with a sigh. I did not want to deal with Liam tonight.

  “I know. I’m sorry.” She cringed.

  “He told you?” I took another sip. Come on, alcohol, do your magic.

  “Yeah.” She nodded. “You know him. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and after you left, he needed to talk to someone.”

  “Shit.” I watched him push through the crowd, his eyes set on us. “I may have fucked up…I might have let him believe there was a chance. I mean, I didn’t mean to…but…” I was distracted by the memory of Tarzan’s ass. Tarzan walking through the hospital…when he could still do that.

  I felt as though every rib was suddenly strung with lead weights.

  I left him.

  Walked out.

  Oh my god…who does that?

  “Stevie?” Maxine touched my arm, staring at me with worry. “You okay?”

  No. Not even close.

  “Hey, ladies!” Liam grinned from ear to ear, nodding to Maxine before turning his focus on me. “Stevie. Good to see you. We’ve missed you at the store.”

  “Hey, Liam.” I nodded, forcing a smile on my mouth. Tension crowded the space, tangling what used to be relaxed and easy into awkward and strained. “I’ve heard business has really picked up. Congrats.”

  “It’s all thanks to you. You did it.” He shuffled on his feet, stuffing his hands in his jeans. “We’re planning another party at the end of the month.”

  “That’s great.”

  “Will…will you be there?” He nudged his boot into the floor, asking a deeper question than what was on the surface. Was I coming back to the store? Would I be giving us—him—a chance?

  “I don’t know.” I glanced away. It was strange, the difference in me in just a few weeks felt huge. Before I was bold and in your face. But it was all an act. The girl underneath was now at the surface, and she was unsure and terrified. I hated it. I hated myself like this. It’s why I buried her ass the first time around.

  “I heard you had an interview with the music label,” he muttered, not looking directly at me. “Congrats.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I knew you wouldn’t be coming back…” He ran his hand through his hair, his vocals twisting. Again, the subtext was far more than he said.

  “Liam.”

  “No,” he responded quickly. “I knew it. Deep down I always knew you’d never like me as I liked you. And I always knew you’d leave. You are far too talented and amazing to be stuck in a small record store.”

  “That’s not true.” I wagged my head vehemently. “That place is amazing. I was so lucky you let me work there.”

  “It was nothing without you.” He gulped, sorrow flashing over his features. “Hope.” He smiled sadly. “It’s worse than a drug…keeps you coming back for more.”

  Knife. Chest. Twist.

  “Come by and say hi sometime. Be amazing when the covers you design are in my store. And if it doesn’t work out …the door is always open.” His lashes fluttered. He leaned in, kissing my cheek. “Goodbye, Stevie. I wish you the best in everything you do.” With that, he swung around and bolted from the bar, not once looking back.

  “Fuck,” Maxine whispered, her eyes wide.

  My lids shut, holding in the heartbreak I felt for him. Jesus, I was on a roll, leaving destruction in my path. Was that what I always did? Had I just never noticed?

  “Don’t beat yourself up.” Maxine rubbed my arm. “He needed to finally see the truth. Maybe now he’ll finally let you go and move on. He deserves someone who really wants to be with him. Gets him.”

  Rolling my lips together, I nodded. I hoped the same thing for him.

  “Plus, you don’t really want that, Gyps.”

  “What?”

  “Me…to be nice. You’d be bored out of your mind. And you’d walk all over that poor guy.”

  Chris’s voice slid through my mind, my hand absently rubbing my forehead like I was trying to get it out.

  He understood me. Got me. Comparable to fire ants being inserted around my muscles, I shifted and bobbed on my feet, feeling the restlessness spike up my legs.

  “You seem anxious tonight.” Maxine bit on her straw, watching me. I could feel the questions floating off her, wondering what my issue really was. “Do you need another drink?”

  “Yeah.” I swallowed, feeling the dark room close in on me. Handing her some cash, I turned toward the door. “But I’m gonna grab some air first, okay?”

  “Sure,” she responded, but I was already stalking for the exit, needing fresh air to fill my lungs. Bolting out the front, I gulped the humid air, not experiencing the relief I was searching for. Not wanting to see anyone, I slipped into the dark alley, pressing my back to the concrete.

  What have you done? How could you just leave him? You should be there! One voice screamed at me, while another assured me it was for the best. He’s in a coma… He’ll never know you aren’t there. He’d want you to be happy. Do you really think you could go through that again? Watching a man you love die? This is better. For him. For all.

  A. Man. I. Love. A dry sob wailed in my throat where it clung to my chest and throat.

&nbs
p; “Well. Well. Well.” A voice came from the alley entrance, spearing ice through my body. “I was hoping I’d run into you again. Been a while. Damn girl, you are even hotter than I remember.”

  No. Oh. God. No.

  Guttural fear filled me as I swung around, my gaze landing on the guy I thought I once loved. The one who took everything from me.

  Dressed in black skinny jeans, black T-shirt, and chucks, he had filled out since I had last seen him. More toned and built. Almost every girl or guy would find him gorgeous…but all I saw was the ugly monster inside, skimming the surface of the pretty face.

  Jordy Young was the stereotypical boy whom I had fallen for. The guy every girl wanted and every guy wanted to be. Shaggy blond hair, skinny but fit, tall, with lip and eyebrow piercings, and tattoos covering his neck. He was the lead singer in a band that was already playing gigs when I first entered college, probably because his daddy had ties to the music industry. They were five rich boys who had been given everything but were still angry at the world. I had completely fallen for him. They were the “it” guys at the school, and they all knew it. Egos far outmatched their talent. But I was stupid. Gullible. I met him in a songwriting class and completely fell for him. I truly thought we had a connection. That I was special.

  “Ste-vie.” His tongue slid over my name as his gaze salaciously moved up and down me, stepping closer.

  “Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me.” A hoarse whisper clawed out of my throat.

  “Why? We had a lot of fun together.” He arched up his pierced brow, giving me one of his infamous smirks. “Don’t tell me you didn’t have fun…because I know you did.”

  “Fun?” I blew out of my nose, taking a step back. “You are a sick asshole.”

  “Just how you liked it if I remember.” He rubbed his chin, his hungry gaze never leaving me. “Thought about you a lot in the last few years. So open for anything. Ready to please. Wouldn’t mind catching up.”

  The band, Piranha, got popular enough that they went on tour, leaving school, opening at fairs and small gigs for two years. It was the only reason I had stayed at the college after that night. Because he was no longer there.

  He took another step, licking his lip. My gaze darted around. He blocked my only exit out. The alley dead ended behind me.

  Get out of here! Panic pricked at my legs as I tried to dart around him.

  “Uh-uh.” He shook his head, leaping out, his hand wrapped around my bicep, yanking back. “Come on, Stevie. Don’t be like that. I just want to catch up.”

  “I know your idea of catching up. I’ll pass.” Air heaved from my nose, terror seizing me at the feeling of his touch on my skin.

  His lids narrowed and he ground his teeth. “Don’t cry wolf with me now. You wanted it. You followed me upstairs… Don’t act all prissy. It was just a bit of fun.”

  It was only a week after my father had died. I could barely function, but when he texted me to come to the house party, it was my first glimpse of happiness. Light at the end of the tunnel. Hope. That I could get through the pain. Jordy Young wanted me at the party, and I needed nothing more than one night to forget. To have fun and be with the guy I was completely falling for.

  I went alone…took every drink he handed me. Let him place an ecstasy tablet on my tongue. I liked him so much I didn’t want his awareness on me to waver. Fragile after losing my father, his undivided attention made me feel so good, and I’d tossed out any fucks I normally might have given.

  “Your cunt as tight as I remember?” Jordy leered, shoving me back into the wall.

  “Get off me!” I screamed, shoving at his chest, my arms quivering with the effort. Terror did different things to people. With Jayme, who came across sweet and more timid than me, it actually brought her to life like a flame, where it shut me down.

  No, Stevie. Fight.

  “You loved when I was fucking you. You moaned for more.”

  I moaned because I couldn’t speak. Trapped inside my body by drugs and alcohol.

  “Jordy, man, where are you?” a man’s voice shouted into the night, footsteps clipping on the pavement. A familiar figure outlined the alley entrance. Leo, the guitarist from Piranha. Three more followed right behind.

  Kyle, Joey, and Mario. The rest of his band.

  “Wow.” Leo sneered, shaking his head. “This really is a fucking reunion.”

  Like being held underwater, lungs straining for air, pure terror iced through my muscles and shut down my lungs. Once again I froze.

  The guys moved in behind Jordy like my nightmare had come to life. Even though it hadn’t started as a nightmare, it was a truth I’d tried to shove away. Hide from. Deny.

  The hazy memories of that night tore through the box I had locked away and shot through my mind like a bullet. Clear and crisp. They were always there, but the mind is a powerful thing when you need protection from truths that are too much.

  Hands holding me down, shredding my soul.

  Ecstasy wasn’t the only drug Jordy gave me that night. I had no doubt GHB swam in the rum and Coke he continued to pour me. Knowing my father just died, he sweet-talked me, telling me everything I wanted to hear. That he wanted me. Only me.

  “I love you,” I drunkenly admitted, swaying on my feet, the room spinning.

  “Do you?” His eyebrows went up, gripping me. “Why don’t you prove it to me?”

  I had lost my virginity already, but barely. I was innocent and awkward. With Jordy I wanted it to be epic. The reasons you write songs.

  The world twirled and twisted as he led me upstairs, darkness seeping in at the edges of my vision. The moment we stepped into his bedroom, things shifted quickly. He roughly shoved me on the bed. I knew we weren’t alone in the room, but I couldn’t speak, my mind and body at complete odds, as if a pane of glass separated them. I wanted to scream when he tore my clothes off, but I couldn’t.

  Darkness and shadows surrounded me, but I understood enough to recognize five masses moving around me. Hands, feeling like dozens of them, touching me, pinning me down. Struggling, I tried to fight, to move, but my muscles no longer worked.

  Helpless.

  Terrified.

  The music poured in from downstairs, and people laughed and talked as though nothing terrifying was happening in that upstairs room. No one came to save me. It felt even crueler to know how close people were. One scream might have brought my rescue…but my body failed me.

  “You said you loved me?” Jordy taunted in my ear, pushing my head into the mattress, his body moving violently over mine. “Well, that means my boys get a piece of you too. We share everything. But I know you love it. You’re such a fucking tease, shoving your tits and pussy in my face all year. You want to be fucked by all of us, don’t you? Most girls beg for this…so you’re welcome.”

  Taking turns, over and over, they used me and hurt me, tossing my body around like a doll. Cruelly, they took what was left of my innocence from every place they could. When I was close to passing out, they slapped me awake, just to keep me living in hell…

  When they were done, they walked out laughing, returning to the party as though nothing happened.

  Staring up at the ceiling, as blood from my split lip trickled down my chin, my clothes crumpled and torn in a pile next to me, my body still spread out, something in me died.

  Hope.

  Life.

  The last bit of the girl with the big heart. The girl my father loved.

  I thought she was dead, but now standing here in the alley, reliving the horror I tried so hard to forget, I realized Chris had brought her back to life. Against all odds, she had survived, and as much as I tried to push it away, love had still found its way back to me.

  I had vowed no one would ever hurt me again. But shutting down had only let these vile pieces of shit win. I would never give them the power, the capability of breaking me.

  A car didn’t kill me. These assholes certainly wouldn’t. Not again.

  “What do you say, Stevie
? For old time’s sake?” Jordy pressed himself into me, his hands slipping beneath the dress I still wore from the interview.

  “Get. Your. Hands. Off. Me.” Callous and icy, I stared straight into his eyes. Calm anger loosened my muscles, and I pushed him away. “I am no longer the girl you can drug so she can’t fight back. I’m sober this time, so I sure as hell won’t fuck you. Or do you have some spare roofies in your pockets?”

  Rage flashed in Jordy’s eyes, his lips pulling up in a snarl. Bullies didn’t like to be challenged. They loved the power of inspiring fear. Nothing meant anything to these guys because they never worked for anything in their life. The only way they felt something was to hurt or cause fear.

  “Please. Don’t act like you hadn’t wanted it. You had it so bad for me it was pathetic. So many nights when we hung out you practically begged me. You were so desperate for me to fuck you, your legs couldn’t stay closed around me.” Jordy sneered, slamming me harder into the wall. I was outnumbered, and I knew most of the time white knights didn’t come in at the last moment to save you. You’d think I would have been one of those girls who got obsessed with self-defense afterward. But no. I just acted like it never happened.

  “You haven’t changed. Still a fucking tease.” Leo took a step closer, his dirty gaze rolling over me.

  They wanted a reaction from me. Fear would turn them on and taunting would piss them off, requiring even more to “put me in my place.” This was all about power. They could get laid anytime they wanted, by multiple women, but it didn’t get them off. This did.

  “You know, you’re right, I am being a tease. Show me. I need it.” I stared at each one, curling my mouth into a hungry smile. No matter what they did to me, they would not break me.

  Jordy jerked back at my words, his lids narrowing in confusion.

  Nothing would back them off more than if they thought I was willing. Like every other girl they encountered.

  “Joey,” I said over Jordy’s shoulder, licking my lips. “If I remember, you loved fucking me from behind. Want a repeat?”